Seascapes Page 13

  Jill looked at her son with a raised eyebrow, “Drew, maybe we need to have a conversation about the company you keep.”

  “No, we definitely do not need to do that, Mom. She’s my ex-girlfriend for a reason. I’m pretty sure Kate has given her all the discouragement she needs to finally realize it’s over.”

  The group quieted as the waitress approached to take their orders.

  “We’d love to come by the store after lunch, Kate,” Jill said as they sipped on their drinks. “I want to pick up a few small things for some of my girls for upcoming birthdays. I saw a few necklaces the other day that caught my eye. Do you mind?”

  Kate looked at Fee but couldn’t communicate as well as she’d like with both Jill and Ken opposite her. Fee, however, had no reservations.

  She looked at Kate quickly and answered before Kate could open her mouth. “That would be fantastic!”

  Chapter 28

  The group moved down the sidewalk on their way to the store. Kate had been surprised when Drew had stayed. She had expected him to leave after lunch.

  He had been ignoring her for a few days now. Even today, he seemed to keep his distance. He wasn’t his usual joking self with her. She wasn’t sure what had brought on the change in his behavior, but she was glad. At least that is what she tried to tell herself.

  Even now she tossed a casual look over her shoulder, drawn to check on what he was doing. He was deeply engrossed in a conversation with his father. The two men had their heads close together and brows were furrowed. She wondered what was so important.

  Drew quickly looked up and caught her eye and their gaze locked. She tore it away as she felt her stomach give a small flip. She didn’t need to find herself flat on her face in front of everyone, but there had been something in that look that had taken her breath away momentarily.

  “How did your store come to be, Kate,” Jill asked, breaking into Kate’s thoughts of Drew.

  Kate began telling her about how she had come up with the idea for Seascapes when she was a teenager and worked hard towards that goal for many years. “It has always been my dream to own my own store.”

  “That’s amazing! You overcame quite a bit to get to where you are today. The Lord has surely blessed your life.”

  Kate looked at her in disbelief. The Lord had blessed her life? How was that even possible given all she had gone through. Didn’t a blessed life mean no hardship? She’d had her share of difficulties to overcome. She certainly would not call her life blessed. Maybe now, but not the previous years.

  “If you say so.” Kate stopped short of rolling her eyes, but she made it obvious she didn’t share Jill’s sentiments.

  “Kate, you might not be able to see it right now, but the Lord has blessed your life. Just think about what could have happened to you.”

  Kate thought she had been doing just that. After all, she could be dead at her mother’s hands. She could have died of some horrible accident or worse while her father was off on one of his binges. The attacks in the streets could have ended up with her being dragged in an alley and assaulted, ending up with more than just bruises or a cut lip.

  She could have avoided all that if she had been able to stay with the Grant family. She certainly had thought of her past, repeatedly. Dwelling on the what if’s had only kept her feeling miserable. Instead, she had learned to push it all to the back of her mind and just look at the here and now. It was the only way she could function.

  Jill continued, “You survived what your mother did to you. Your sister wasn’t as fortunate.”

  At Kate’s startled look, Jill gently said, “Yes, we know about your sister.”

  Fiona broke in, “I know you’ve mentioned a sister, but what happened?”

  Kate sighed. She was so tired of reliving the past. But Fee was her best friend. She knew she could trust her with the knowledge.

  “My mother went to a locked psychiatric facility where she ended up dying from a drug overdose. She was there because she murdered my baby sister. Lori was only two when it happened. That was the reason I ended up in foster care. Well, that and the fact that my father was gone, and they couldn’t find him.”

  Fiona gasped and covered her mouth. Kate knew Fee couldn’t fathom what life had been like for Kate. She had never lived one day of neglect in her life.

  Ken and Drew had caught up with the rest of the group at this point and Ken joined the conversation. “You could have gone to any other foster family in the area. Some homes weren’t much better than the situations children were taken from in the first place. Instead, the Lord helped you to be placed with us.”

  Kate thought about this for a moment. It was true. She had begun to heal when she was with the Grants. She had even begun to thrive. That was why it had been so hard to leave and go with her father.

  Jill spoke again, “I have to believe what we taught you when you were with us sustained you when you went back to your father. We know that it had to have been hard to go from a home where you were well taken care of, to one where you weren’t. We prayed the skills we taught you would help you.”

  “They did help, and it was hard. I missed you all so much when I left. I used to try to figure out how to find you, but I didn’t know how to get from Baltimore to Florida. I wasn’t sure I could find you if I did.”

  Fee put an arm around Kate’s shoulders and hugged her, offering comfort. She was still reeling a bit herself after learning about the true reason Kate had been in foster care when she was small. She couldn’t understand why some parents hurt their children.

  Ken spoke up, “Everything you have gone through so far has helped form you into the person you are today. From where I sit, you seem to be a well-adjusted, successful young businesswoman. Am I wrong?”

  Kate tried to process the conversation. How was it possible? She was struggling to understand how all the bad things that had happened to her could have actually been good for her.

  “I just don’t understand,” Kate finally said, voicing her thoughts. “How could all the things I went through as a child be good for me? How is that even possible?”

  Maybe this had been a bad idea. She felt like she had been ambushed again but she hadn’t told them no after Fiona had invited them to see the store. It felt like she was on a rollercoaster of emotions.

  “Do you know what the Bible says about this, Kate? Do you remember?” Ken asked gently.

  Kate just shook her head. With a shaking unsteady hand, she finally managed to pull the door open. She held it as everyone walked in.

  She hoped the store would perhaps distract Ken and Jill from continuing the conversation. She wasn’t sure she was up to it right now. Not after the fight she’d had with her father earlier today or the physical fight she’d found herself thrown into the middle of with that Lucy woman. How much was one person supposed to deal with anyway?

  “Well, this is just lovely!” Jill exclaimed as she held up one of the newer necklaces Kate had just made a few days earlier.

  Kate sighed with relief. It appeared the store had distracted everyone. She hoped it would continue as they looked around. She didn’t want to have this conversation now. In truth, she never wanted to have it.

  She couldn’t believe a good God would have allowed her to have suffered so much at the hands of those who were supposed to protect her. How was that loving? How was that just?

  Chapter 29

  “Kate, do you want to talk about what happened once you were taken from us,” Jill asked with concern in her voice. She had been wandering about the store looking at various things. “Sometimes voicing our hurts and hardships makes it easier to deal with them. They lose their hold on us when we can say them out loud instead of holding them in our hearts.”

  “I hadn’t talked about those years before to anyone and yet, just in these past few weeks I started telling Fiona about some of it. I had those memories pushed as far back in my mind as they could go. But maybe you’re right. I think you have a right to know.”
/>
  “Let’s go down to the church to talk. It will be more private.” Peter made the offer quietly from off to the side where he was standing and listening.

  “What if someone walks in like I like to do?” Kate didn’t want to be sitting in the sanctuary sharing her past with the Grants and have other community members listening to her. What if someone like Mrs. Johnson came in? That would be awful.

  “We’ll use my office. The church is left unlocked during the day so people can come and go as they’d like. Some, like you Kate, come in and enjoy the windows. Some like to come and just sit in the quiet and meditate. My office is private enough that no one should bother us there.”

  “I’ll stay here and finish up what we had been working on until Nancy comes back from her break,” Fee said. “She should be here soon. Then I’ll go look for sea glass or stay here and work. No worries. I’ve got you covered.” Fiona smiled at her friend as she made the offer.

  Kate walked to Fiona and, in a very uncharacteristic move, reached out to hug her friend. “Thank you,” she whispered in her ear.

  “For what?”

  “For being such a good friend to me. I don’t deserve you, Fee, but I’m so glad I have you.” Giving her another squeeze, she stepped back and headed for door with the Grants.

  She stopped at the entrance. Drew was still standing in the store watching them all leave. “You can come if you’d like. You’re a Grant, too.” She surprised herself with the offer.

  She saw Drew exchange a quick glance with his father and then Peter. What was that about?

  “Thanks, but I think I’ll head out to get some errands done. I don’t want to intrude. I think you all need the time together without me there.” He headed out the front door and hurried down the sidewalk.

  Kate wasn’t sure how she felt about Drew leaving. She didn’t want to have to keep repeating her story, but she wasn’t sure she wanted Drew to hear it either at the moment. She decided she couldn’t deal with it right now and walked out the door with the rest of the group to go to the church.

  There wasn’t anything more than a few walks and cups of coffee between her and Drew currently. He had been making himself scarce the last few days anyway. She just needed to focus on what was in front of her and that was figuring out how much to share with the Grants.

  What should she tell them? Should she explain how devastated she was the day she was taken away from them? Would they want to know how she had cried herself to sleep for almost an entire month after she’d left? Or how it was over a week before she would even talk to her father at all about anything? Should she share it was only about two months before he left her alone?

  Her life had been full of such misery from the time she had left their house until the time she had left her father’s. She thought she’d had her life under control. She thought it was all going the way it should until that necklace had shown up.

  Then the package of sea glass appeared followed quickly by her father. Her quiet and peaceful life had been anything but for the last few weeks. Add to that the graffiti and the fight and she was amazed she was still functioning.

  She was starting to wonder why her father had sent those things. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t just sold the necklace and sea glass. If he needed money, that would have been the fastest way to get some. It wouldn’t have been a lot, but it would have been something.

  All ­these thoughts swirled through Kate’s mind while they walked to the church. Entering through the front, they headed down one of the side aisles to the small door Peter emerged from whenever Kate visited.

  Down the hall they entered a comfortably appointed room suited for a pastor’s office. She hadn’t been in a lot of church offices, but in her mind it worked. The wall behind Peter’s desk had a floor to ceiling bookcase crammed with books. There were even papers tucked on top of some of them. Additional piles of books were on the floor. It was obvious Peter had a love of books and a lack of shelf space for them.

  A huge wooden desk dominated much of the space directly in front of the bookcase. A large leather office chair was positioned behind it. In front of the desk were two comfortable armchairs, the type one could sink gratefully into and enjoy a talk.

  There was another seating area on the other side of the room. It contained a matching sofa to the chairs, which was situated in front of a bank of windows overlooking the side lawn of the church. A squat coffee table held its place in front of it.

  Peter moved the chairs in front of his desk around to face the sofa. He gestured for everyone to take a seat as he asked, “Coffee?” Both of his parents simply nodded their answer.

  Off to the side, Kate spied a coffee maker. It was obvious this was not the first time Peter had hosted a group of people in his office. His movements were efficient as he set about making a pot of coffee.

  Soon everyone had a steaming cup of aromatic coffee in their hands. Kate knew it would soon be her turn to talk. They had all been making quiet conversation about the weather and the beach while they waited for the coffee to finish brewing. Now it was time. Her stomach was in knots and she was beginning to regret her decision to let Fiona stay behind at the store. She could have used her support.

  “We know how hard it must have been for you when you were taken away from us, Kate,” Ken began. “We’ve already told you how hard it was for us. However, we still had each other, and you were put into a situation where you didn’t know anyone. You were too young to remember your father well. I’m sure the adjustment period was very hard on you.”

  He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing, “But I think there’s something more going on. Do you want to talk to us about it? We just want to help you and we’ll do all we can.”

  Kate knew they all deserved to know the truth of what had happened once she had left. Even though she had tried not to, she did remember how loved she had felt when she lived with them. It was the only thing that had helped her get through some of those long lonely nights.

  Keeping her eyes on her hands, she began to tell her story once more. She had thought she would never tell anyone and yet in the last few weeks she’d told it at least twice. It didn’t get better with the telling, but somehow became just a bit easier.

  She kept her eyes down the whole time. She didn’t think she could stand to see the looks of pity on their faces. She didn’t pity herself. She wished she hadn’t had to live the life she had, but she hadn’t asked for any of it.

  She had been a child and didn’t have the ability to direct her own life. She had lived her life at the whim of the adults around her. Now she had control of it, and she meant to keep it. She certainly wasn’t going to allow anyone, least of all her father, to change that.

  By the time the coffee had grown cold, Kate was done. She hadn’t taken more than a sip or two while talking. It was only now she dared to take a quick glimpse up.

  Tears were running down everyone’s face except her own. She was surprised to see the sorrow on not only Jill’s face, but also Ken and Peter’s. She knew her story could be hard to hear. It had been hard to live, but it was the past. It couldn’t be changed now.

  It was at this point Kate had a realization. They truly had missed her and were glad to have her back in their lives, just like they had told her. It seemed as if they really were as hurt by her return to her father as she had been.

  At the time, she had thought they didn’t care, but maybe they had held themselves back in order not to make it worse for her. Looking back at the situation with an adult’s vision instead of a child’s, she could only imagine how much worse it would have been if they had cried or fought to keep her with them. Perhaps they had fought for her like they had said.

  “Kate,” began Ken, stopping to clear his throat. His voice cracked with emotion. “I am so sorry, so very sorry for what you went through. I wish there was a way I could go back and change things. I wish I could have protected you like I wanted to. I thought of you as a daughter. We had the repeat ass
urances of the court that your father had reformed. He wouldn’t give up his parental rights and they wanted to reunite you with him. They thought that was what was best for you. I’m so sorry that wasn’t the case. I wish there was something else we could have done. Will you please forgive me for not protecting you?”

  Chapter 30

  Kate looked at Ken in disbelief. “I don’t understand. Why would I need to forgive you? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Kate was so confused. Why would she need to forgive the Grants? They had done everything they could for her. It certainly wasn’t their fault the way her father had treated her. The only person at fault was him.

  “Forgiveness is always about righting wrongs and not keeping a score card. I must believe deep down you’re as angry at Jill and me as you are at your father. You might have vague memories of living with your mother, but you were so young when you came to us. You grew up in our home. You were such an outgoing and vivacious child once you became comfortable with us. You lit up our lives.”

  Jill nodded in agreement with what Ken was saying. She sniffed and reached for a tissue to blot her tears. “We love you so much, sweet girl.”

  Ken continued, “When you left, a piece of our family left, too. Our hearts were broken for years. In fact, until we heard from Peter how he had found you, our hearts never felt whole. It was almost as if we had a wound festering all this time. It was not knowing where you were or how you were doing. We finally have you back again and feel as if that missing piece is back.”

  Jill sobbed into her hands. She was nodding her head up and down to convey her agreement with her husband.

  Kate looked at Peter. He had told her he remembered her when she first figured out who he was. His face was wet with tears as well, but he was smiling and agreeing with his parents.

  Ken waited a moment as he gathered himself and wiped his face before he continued. “You were so much older when you went back to your father. Can you honestly tell me you weren’t angry at us, and that you transitioned easily into life with your father? From what you have just told us, we know that isn’t true.”