Seascapes Read online

  Kate closed her eyes. No, it hadn’t been easy to adjust to the life her father had for her. She had been so far out of her element there. She’d had to learn street smarts quickly to survive the city. The neighborhood would have eaten her alive, otherwise.

  “Life has been so hard for you, Kate. I wish I could take all the pain you have experienced away from you. I wish…no, we both wish…no, we all wish you had stayed a Grant forever. I can’t tell you how often, and how hard we have prayed for you.”

  Jill broke in, “Kate, all that Ken is saying is so true. I have prayed for you every single night you have been gone. There has always been a small piece of my heart missing. It was you. You were that piece.”

  Ken continued, “I see such anger inside of you, anger that wasn’t there when you left all those years ago. I fear it is eating you up inside. Do you still have nightmares?”

  Kate looked stunned at the question. “Yes. How did you know? I had them so bad in college the administration made me go back to counseling since I had a full scholarship. I kept waking my roommate up. They’ve gotten better, and I hadn’t had one in months until my father came back. Now I seem to have them every single night.”

  With a soft smile Jill said, “You had them when you were with us, too. You were in counseling before you left, and it was working. Honey, Ken is right. We do want your forgiveness. I so wish I could do anything to take away your pain. I hate to see you struggling again.”

  “There is really nothing to forgive, but if it makes you all feel better, I will,” Kate said, still sounding a bit confused by it all.

  At this answer, both Grants looked at each other in a way only those who have been married a long time can do, but said nothing. Kate wondered what that was all about. She had forgiven them like they had asked, and she felt strangely better for having done so.

  “Kate, thank you so much for opening your heart to us today,” Ken said as he leaned forward and patted her knee. “I know how hard it must be to talk about your past like that. I think you should understand something though.” He glanced again at his wife and son before continuing, “Forgiveness is not only something you can give all of us today, but it’s also something you should think about for yourself.”

  At this statement, Kate looked even more confused. “Why would I need to forgive myself? I haven’t done anything wrong. All of my life I was affected by choices made by other people.” She was growing annoyed at this outrageous statement.

  “Forgiveness isn’t just something you need to extend to others, but it’s sometimes something you need to give yourself as well. Sometimes we get in a self–destructive mindset. I know you say that you haven’t done anything wrong, but subconsciously we can begin to believe everything that has gone wrong in our lives is directly related to our own actions.”

  Jill smiled and reached out to take Kate’s hand. Kate allowed her to hold it briefly before pulling away. She was beginning to feel confused and angry again.

  Jill took continued, “You said what happened to you was the direct result of others and you’re right. As a child you had no control over what your mother did to you or to your sister. You were simply a child who thought the adults in her life were there to help her. Instead, they hurt you. All children are born believing adults are there to help them until an adult comes along to change that belief.”

  That’s for sure, Kate thought. Until she lived with the Grants, she had no idea parents could be loving towards their children. In fact, because of how she was treated by her parents she doubted she would ever have children of her own for fear she would act the same way.

  “You also had a short time in your life when you lived with us. During those years with us, we hope you learned what a healthy family looks like. We hope you learned that some adults keep their promises. We also hope you learned what it was to be safe and loved. Unfortunately, you then had more adults come along and change things for you again.” Jill smiled sadly at Kate as she finished speaking.

  Kate thought of her father. He had treated her in the exact opposite manner. He never kept a promise. He had never kept her safe. He certainly had never shown her she was loved.

  Ken took over the conversation, “My question for you though is this, did you think it was the direct result of other adults making decisions for you or was there some small part of you that believed you were the cause?”

  Kate stared at him in astonishment. Until he had voiced those thoughts, she had never been able to put it into words, but he was right. There had always been a small part of her that thought if she had been a better child, her parents would have loved her and not hurt her. If she had obeyed better, been prettier, or something. She didn’t know what, but she realized she had spent years trying to figure it out.

  She was angry at all the adults who had seemed to constantly change things in her life without her consent. It had started with her mother who had taken away a sister Kate only knew from stories told to her by others.

  Kate had never had the chance to get to know her sister. She didn’t know her likes or dislikes. She had never had a chance to fight with her over toys or share whispered conversations after the lights were out at bedtime. She realized a huge part of her missed her sister, a sister she’d never been given the opportunity to love.

  She was also furious at all the people responsible for bringing her father back into her life all those years ago. In fact, just thinking about it made her begin to shake with repressed anger.

  How could they have taken Kate away from the only family who had really loved her? It was so unfair how they had just stepped in and ripped her away from the Grants. She had loved them so much. They were her parents in ways her biological parents had never been.

  And her father. She could not even begin to express her anger at him. It was not only for the way he had treated her when she lived there. She was also furious at how he thought he could just waltz right back into her life like nothing had ever happened.

  How dare he! He had no right to be a part of her life. He had given up that right long ago. The moment he began to leave her alone with no food and no money was the moment he had ceased to be a father. No, that wasn’t right. The moment he had left her to the abuse of her mother was when he had ceased to be her father.

  “Kate, dear,” Jill said gently as she touched her on the knee, “do you understand there is nothing you did to deserve any of what happened to you?”

  “Not until you just explained it to me. I think there was always a small part of me that thought if I had been good, none of this would have happened.”

  Ken smiled. “Now for the hard part.”

  “What’s harder than what I’ve been through?”

  “Forgiving them.”

  Chapter 31

  Drew relaxed on his couch and watched the sunset outside. His thoughts were racing as he remembered the day. First, he had the confrontation with Lucy. Then Kate had punched her.

  A wide grin spread across his face at that particular memory. Kate had defended herself well against Lucy. He was pretty sure Lucy had never thrown a punch in her life, but Kate certainly had.

  Most women wouldn’t have punched. They would have scratched, bit, or pulled hair. Or if they had thrown a punch, they would have broken something. Kate had ended up with bruised and scratched knuckles that might be a little sore, but she hadn’t broken anything. It appeared her accounts of life growing up in the rough parts of the city of Baltimore had equipped her well for self-defense.

  His mind shifted from the fight to the whispered conversation he’d had with his father as they had walked to Seascapes after lunch. His dad could always pick up when someone needed to talk.

  He had drifted behind the group and pulled Drew with him. “What’s going on, son? What’s troubling you?”

  Drew shook his head even now. It was his dad’s superpower. He had poured out his heart to him in those few minutes as they had walked. He had told him how he was starting to feel about Kate, but that he
also felt God telling him to wait, to pull back.

  “I’m having a heart and head battle, dad. My heart wants to pursue Kate, but my head is telling me to listen to God.”

  “That’s always a difficult one isn’t it? Why do you think God has those verses in the Bible? Do you remember the ones I’m thinking of?”

  “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness.”

  “You got it. Nice to see all those Bible drills paid off.”

  Drew smiled at his dad. He had hated them at the time. They had spent many Saturday evenings around the dining room table working on learning the Bible and verses.

  He had been so much older when he had arrived and had known nothing about the Bible. He also hated to lose so he had spent a lot of time learning the verses and where they were in the Bible so he could win.

  Once Ken had learned about Drew’s spirit of competition, he had created a leaderboard for the wall. Drew had put in time whenever he could to learn the books of the Bible and memorize verses. He wanted his name on the top. The day he had finally succeeded had felt like the best victory ever. His name had stayed there until he had moved away from home.

  Ken brought him back to the current topic. “Why do you think Paul reminds the Corinthians not to be yoked with an unbeliever?”

  “Because he’s a killjoy?” Drew laughed. “Just kidding. Probably because he knew that an unbeliever could easily turn a believer away from God instead of a believer turning them towards God.”

  “Exactly. So, what’s your best course of action then?”

  “Prayer. And lots of it. There’s something special about her, isn’t there?” Drew had looked up at that moment to see Kate glancing back at him. Their gazes had locked, and he hadn’t been able to look away.

  “I’ll pray, too. It seems like you could use all the help you can get.” Ken had clapped a hand on his shoulder and laughed.

  Now Drew focused on that look. If his dad hadn’t put a hand on his shoulder, he was sure he’d still be rooted there, just staring at Kate. He was surprised his eyebrows weren’t singed from the heat in that gaze.

  He had left the store to do some walking and thinking shortly after that. Even though Kate had invited him to join all of them at the church, he felt God nudging him out the door for some heart to heart conversation with the One who has the best plans for him. He had walked for over an hour, praying all the while.

  He still felt something inside him urging him to continue to pray. “Okay, God. I hope you’re up and listening. I need some help. Big time.”

  ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊ ◊

  Kate curled up in her favorite chair in her living room. She held a cup of tea cradled in her hands as she watched the sunset. She preferred sunsets to sunrises only because it meant she could enjoy the beauty without being up early.

  She sipped her tea and thought back to the look she had shared with Drew earlier today. She was pretty sure it had stopped her heart for just a moment. Sighing, she continued to relive it for a bit longer.

  She still didn’t know why he had suddenly disappeared. He had been popping up everywhere around her it seemed and then he was just gone. She had been getting used to him and had started to enjoy time with him. Then, poof.

  Shaking her head, she decided she was too tired to figure it out right now. Instead, she picked up the Bible Jill had given her earlier today.

  Jill had saved it all these years. Somehow it hadn’t been with Kate’s things when she had left to go with her father. She had looked for it when she was unpacking all those years ago but hadn’t been able to find it.

  She had great memories of the Bible drills the family used to do on Saturday nights. She had just gotten to the point where she could stand first for a few when she found herself living her dad.

  All the memories she had pushed away were coming forward. She realized it was too hard to stop them and had been trying to learn to embrace them. No matter how hard it was.

  She stroked the soft leather cover of the Bible. She even lifted it to her nose and sniffed. A feeling of security washed over her. There was such safety and comfort attached to this book.

  Peter had already suggested the book of John, which Kate had finished reading. Setting down her drained cup of tea, she let the Bible fall open. It landed in the book of Psalms on chapter twenty-three. She began to read the familiar words.

  Memories of learning some of the verses came flooding back. She could picture the family sprawled around the living room as Ken had read to them. She could see them at the dining room table, arms overhead holding their Bibles waiting for the verses to come so they could see who would be the first to find it. She also remembered the time time she had been first to stand and, in her eagerness, she had knocked her chair over backwards.

  A small smile curled her lips as she continued to read. Memory after memory flooded into her mind. The smile faded as she remembered a conversation with Jill shortly before she had left their home. She had forgotten all about it until this moment.

  Jill had been trying to explain what was going to happen. The pain hit Kate again as if she had just had the conversation today. It had been excruciating to leave all she could remember behind for a future with a man who called himself her father, but one she could barely remember.

  Memories washed over her. It had been years since she’d allowed herself to go this far back in her past. The pain was overwhelming. It had been easier to push thoughts of the Grants to the far back of her mind, so it didn’t hurt so much. Living with her father had been about survival.

  She continued flipping the pages of the Bible. Maybe she could find comfort in its pages once more. Nothing else had been working. Would this?

  Her eyes lit on familiar verses in John. It was the first one she had ever memorized. It was in the third chapter, verses sixteen and seventeen. She backed up to the start of the chapter and began to read slowly.

  Did God love her? Was it really as easy as these verses made it seem? She thought back to when she had memorized the verses, highlighted in pink in her Bible.

  Ken had the kids place their names in the verse. Kate did the same thing now as she whispered it aloud. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that if Kate believes in Him, she shall not perish, but Kate will have eternal life.”

  Kate closed the book and held it to her chest. Did she believe it? Did she truly believe all that Peter had been teaching her through the stories in the windows? Did she believe in a God that had always felt so far away?

  A smile covered her face as she realized, she did. Peace like she had never felt before began flooding her at the realization. “Thank you, Lord. Thank you for loving me.”

  She continued talking to him in prayer as she drifted to sleep, with the Bible still clutched to her chest. Although, she slept in a chair, she had no nightmares that night.

  Chapter 32

  “How do you like living here, Kate?” Jill was helping Kate put together a new display. She and Ken had joined Kate at the store this morning. Kate knew they just wanted to spend time with her, and she was finally okay with that. After her prayer last night, she was embracing having a family again. It was no longer scary. She had no more major reservations.

  “It’s really been a great place for me. It’s calm enough in the winter and off season. It’s downright chaotic in the summer. We have a lot of seasonal residents and tourists who come to Haven then.”

  “We loved it here,” Jill responded, “when we started taking the kids. It was a long drive from Florida, but so worth it. We didn’t start doing that until a year or so after you had left us though.” Jill reached out a hand and touched Kate’s face gently. “We missed having you with us.”

  Kate reached up and covered Jill’s hand with her own and leaned into the touch. “Thanks. I missed you all as well. I think now that I’m seeing you again, I’m realizing just how much I did.”

/>   Kate stepped away and continued working on the display. While being touched was getting easier, she still wasn’t completely comfortable with it.

  “I came to the village soon after college. I knew I wanted to own my own store one day. In fact, I went to college and majored in business management. I really like the creative aspect of it, but I also enjoy supporting all the local artisans. I sell a lot of local work on consignment in my store.”

  “Tell me more about the jewelry you make.”

  “We try to use as much glass as we can find on the beaches here. We can’t always keep up with the demand, especially in the summer, so we do purchase some as well. I hate doing it but it’s the only way we can continue to have enough product to sell throughout the season.”

  “I love finding sea glass on the beach.” Jill held up a necklace made of white sea glass to admire. “It can be so hard to find. I can’t imagine finding enough to make the types of things you girls do.” She placed the necklace back down as she spoke. “Did you find or buy this color? I’ve never seen it before.”

  “I found that one. When I buy sea glass, I try to get the more unusual colors like lavender or red.”

  “I didn’t even know it came in other colors! I’ve only found white and brown and occasionally some green. I would love to see some examples. Do you have any in stock right now?”

  “I do. The hardest part is finding enough of one color and in similar shapes to make matching sets. That’s why we often have to buy colors. I like to put together sets. Like this.”

  Kate held up a set to show Jill. It was the large piece of blue sea glass she had found earlier. The glass was almost the size of her thumbnail. For the color, it was huge. She had matched it with a set of smaller pieces she’d also found and made into earrings. All of them were wrapped with thin gold wire. The wire was the smallest she used. It was one of her new favorite sets.